138. Dear Boy, This is How I Feel About You

October 17, 2011 § 3 Comments

Dear boy, when you’re in my line of vision I freeze.

When you sit across from me I’m hyperaware of my every micro-movement and waves of self-consciousness envelop me.  My spine perks up, the hairs on the back of my neck go tense, and I feel like I have mothballs shoved in my ear as the world becomes vacuum-like.

I wish you would go away.

And then you do and I can breathe again and get on with my day.

Except for the fact that I can’t because you’ve left unwarranted moonprints on my equilibrium.

This sucks. I want my stability back.

You’re not even that cute.  Not even funny.  You’re definitely not charming.  Like, at all.  You’re actually kind of awkward and disengaging.

…so then why do my thoughts slither and drift their way towards you?

You make me want to throw up.  You make me feel at ease.  Dear boy, I can’t even look at you for more than two seconds because I feel like I would shatter. I wish you would hug me. I wish you would grab me.  I wish all this made more sense.

Dear boy, this sucks.  I hope I forget about you and all these irrational and incomprehensible feelings once I move to a different city and start my shiny new job.  Which, by the way readers, I start in two weeks.  Yay!!!!!  :D

My official move-in date to my new apartment is in three days…I’m a bit nervous about that because I don’t know how I’ll manage to figure out furniture and whatnot, but let’s see what happens as I go along.

* * *

Adios friends~ I’ll try to update more often but my mind is awash with reality.  :)

Enjoy yourselves – smile bright and soak in sunshine <3

.

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127. Daddy issues

September 7, 2011 § 4 Comments

So.  I’m not big on touching people or people touching me (especially boys) or being emotionally competent.  Growing up in a family where hugs were unknown and saying “I love you” was virtually unheard of, I don’t feel comfortable with meaningful displays of attention targeted towards me.

Lately, wether it be because of old age or my younger brother’s lead in being emotionally open, my parents are being more affectionate and clearer about their signs of love.  They say “I love you” a lot more and they even try to hug me when I’m leaving for or returning from the airport.

It really makes me uncomfortable.  Every time they hug me I just freeze up like a frozen stick of subzero ice and every time they say ‘I love you’ I often end up sheepishly saying something along the lines of ‘oh I see – you too.’

This morning was the worst so far.  I get a phone call from my dad which, as usual, consists of him asking me questions about my day while I produce monosyllabic grunts in return.  At the end of our short conversation, before we hang up, he says to me in a very sincere and affectionate voice, “Song-I, I miss you” (or, more precisely: ‘송이 보고 싶다’).

It really grossed me out.  Moreso than any other time in my life – my insides started churning and it felt like a piece of me was uncomfortably melting without my permission.  His voice was so surprisingly tender and sincere that I actually believed he wanted to see me.

I didn’t quite know how to respond – in my head I was thinking ‘um, you can go look at my Facebook profile for recent pictures?’  What came out of my mouth was “oh. okay”  (I know, not much better).  And then we hung up and I was left with the remnants of all the weird and gooey feeling in my insides.

* * * * *

Le sigh.  If I’m this uncomfortable and awkward in response to affection from my dad, who, according to numerous psychological theories, is the model male I use to base my interactions off of with other males, I have no idea how I’m going to find a boyfriend or what kind of boy would be patient enough with my continual awkward discomfort with meaningful affection.

Heheheh…though I do think it will be an amusing process to go through :)

* * * * *

Anyways.  Happy post-Labor Day weekend everyone – hope you’re all recovering well!  In an hour I’m taking a test for a job I’ve been interviewing for so wish me luck and send me your good vibes/thoughts/prayers/etc!  :)

125. Where’s my lobster?

September 4, 2011 § 2 Comments

Um, so apparently I’m to be conducting my job search and preparing for interviews – and I am, I promise: if I pass an assessment test this week, I’ll be flown out next week for an on-site interview!

However, ever since my return to the States, I’ve been filled with a nagging pull in the back of my head/heart/body/soul/etc with this obsession-like quality of a thought/feeling: I really want my lobster.

Yes, I want my lobster.

No, not the expensive crustacean lathered with buttery-lemon deliciousness.

What I am talking about is of the following category (edit: whoops! apparently you can’t watch the video on this site directly.  Click here to watch.)

* * * * *

It’s just weird.  I used to love being alone.  Or at least, I thought I did.  Being alone and independent and free from the bounds of society and emotional ties seemed the unattainable utopia.  During high school, I loved being inside the photography darkroom because it was pitch black, dead silent, and lonely.  It was the best feeling in the world and that’s where I felt the most comfortable.

And honestly speaking, other people are annoying.  They have different habits, clashing value systems, and they talk about uninteresting topics.  They’re late to appointments and make you wait an extra 15 minutes, they smell like poo because they’ve been chain smoking for the past 24 hours, they make you pay taxes, and they don’t respond to your text messages.  They’re too loud, they’re too quiet, they’re too dumb, they’re too smart, they’re too weird, they’re too normal, and on and on and on and on.

Yet what I’m beginning to realize is that there is an odd comfort of knowing that you have someone by your side.

Maybe I’m being hormonal.  Maybe I’m aging.  Maybe my being in career/educational limbo is creating a need for emotional attachment.  Maybe I’m ready to be a girlfriend.  It’s probably all of the above plus a bunch of extraneous reasons I’ll never consciously know.

All I do know is that I want someone to go silent hiking with.  Someone who will gently stroke my hair and take delight in its smell.  Someone whose chest I can run an affectionate finger down without reservation or fear.  Someone who leads their own independent life while being in parallel stride together.

…Preferably someone who is tall.  With a warm smile.

That would be nice.

…Graduate degrees wouldn’t hurt either.

But I’ll try not to be picky.

Heheheheh >:)

* * * * *

…UGH. FEELINGS.  They make life complicating.  Richer, but more complicating.

Have a lovely weekend everyone.  Smile lots, breathe in the fresh air, and spread goodness to those around you :)

106. Dear smelly man, I want to bite you.

July 1, 2011 § 1 Comment

So.  I had a very memorable experience with a man on the bus.  In order to appreciate what happened, a small background on pheromones seems appropriate.  Off we go!

* * * * *

I.  Say hello to pheromones

Whether we are aware of them or not, we are sending signals to others all the time.  In particular, we all have pheromones that our bodies release to relay information about ourselves to others.

Pheromones, in essence, are chemical compounds we release that are especially detectable with our olfactory (smelling) receptors.  What we secrete is unique to our individual makeup.  Think of pheromones as something like our “olfactory fingerprint.”  Fingerprints identify us and are unique — similarly, the pheromones we release are unique to us and make us identifiable to others   (e.g., how your mom smells vs. how your friend smells vs. how your current lover smells vs. how your former lover smells).

There has been lots of research done about animal and plant pheromones.  For example, female dogs release a host of pheromones when they are in heat and signal to their male counterparts that they are ready to make babies.  And subsequently that makes the male dogs go apeshit and chase the female dog around with insanity.  Also, animals that urinate to mark property are taking advantage of the pheromones in their urine to signal territory boundaries to other animals.  Some plants even release pheromones when being eaten to signal an alarm to their fellow plants.  These other plants, once they detect that pheromone, subsequently produce a chemical themselves to become less appetizing to the animal in hopes of protecting themselves from being eaten.  So cool!!

In humans, pheromones have been especially detected in the following situations:

1. Human females in their menstrual cycles release particular pheromones (perhaps accounting for the menstrual synchronization in females who live together)

2. Human males release pheromones in their sweat that causes different reactions in females

Keep that last point in mind as you read what happens next.

* * * * *

II. What happened:

So the other day, like any other normal day in Korea, I was riding a bus.

There were no seats in the front section of the bus so I ended up plopping myself down on the last row of seats.

In Korea, the last row of seats lining the back of the bus is elevated, and if you sit there, you have a good view of what is going on inside the bus and a prime location to spy on the people moving in and out of the moving vehicle.

As I was doing my usual sit-and-stare-and-think, a pleasant memory came into my head so I started smiling to myself.  That moment happened to coincide with the moment a particular man entered the bus and was heading towards the back of the bus where I happened to be sitting.  We briefly caught each other’s gaze before looking away.

There was an empty seat on my right and this man maneuvers his way around and sits next to me.

And um…the moment he sat next to me, all of the lights went out.

(Figuratively, not literally.  All of MY lights went out.   The bus had no lights.)

A rapid succession of events catalyzed themselves:

1. I get a good whiff of his scent as he sits down and he. smells. like. Heaven.  I’m really not trying to be dramatic here because I’m not a big fan of dramatics but I really don’t know how else to express what I felt.  Viscerally, my guts vibrate and churn while my brain starts melting.  Heat permeates towards my inner thighs, and all I want to do is to lean up against him and lose myself in his smell.

2. …I then recognize that what I was smelling was sweat.  Not cologne, not aftershave, but pure raw unadulterated sweat (with a hint of leftover tobacco from his clothes).  Maybe he just got back from the gym, maybe it was because the weather was quite warm — who knows?  All I know that his smell knocked my mind away from my brain.

3.  Um…wtf, sweat isn’t supposed to smell this good.  Sweat is supposed to smell disgusting and repulsive.  But the effect was the complete opposite with this man.  His sweat smelled sweet and it took all the willpower I had to prevent myself from turning around to look at him.

4. This is perhaps the most interesting (and admittedly strange) reaction:

When he sat, a very strong image surfaced in my mind:  I wanted to lick him.  And bite him.  I literally saw myself sinking my teeth into this stranger and devouring him.  WTFFFFFFFFF.  Am I in some sort of Stoker-Dracula/Meyers-Twilight novel??!  It was really really weird!!!  And really really funny too. The image of me, a short Asian girl, sitting in a public bus, turning around and biting this innocent man on his broad shoulders was too funny to bear.  I had to bite my lips shut so that I didn’t 1. actually bite the poor man and 2. burst out laughing in public by myself.

For the rest of the bus ride, I just sat there, feeling high and dizzy off his scent.

* * * * *

III.  An impromptu experiment with man #2

However, as time went on, I became quite confused at what was going on.   So I thought this was a good time for a mini experiment.  I wanted to figure out why I was reacting like this. Was I in a particularly devouring mood?  Was I just attracted to the sweat of men in general, or was it that particular man specifically?

Luckily, another man sat on my left soon afterwards. He also smelled of sweat, so I decided to test it out.  I slightly leaned over to my left and inhaled deeply to get a good whiff of man #2’s sweat.

And um.

I wanted to throw up.

My throat literally tightened and I started gagging because his sweat smelled like the equivalent of dead fish and moldy cheese.  How sweat normally smells.

So, with man #2 as a control, I concluded that there was something unique about man #1’s smell, or the pheromones he released, that I (or maybe just my body?) found irresistibly attractive.

And on a closing note, the weird thing about this episode is that I cannot recall what this man looked like even though we made eye contact in the beginning. all I can remember is that he was wearing a red hat.  And even that I’m not sure about.  This is really strange because I’m usually quite acute with visual details, but my olfactory senses totally overwrote me this time.

* * * * *

IV.  But why?!?!?!?

Okay so why does that happen?  Hopefully I’m not alone here and you’ve had similar experiences with the smell of another person, particularly one you are attracted to.   But why is that?  Why is one person’s smell irresistible while others are repulsive or so-so?

Swiss pheromone researchers may have an answer.  They conducted an experiment called the ‘Sweaty T-shirt Experiment’ and basically, they had a whole bunch of men sweating onto t-shirts.  Those t-shirts were then blindly smelled and rated by a whole of bunch of women for pleasantness, sexiness, intensity, etc.

The scientists took DNA samples from all the men and women in the experiment and analyzed the genetic variation, and compared the how much variation there was between individuals.  (Okay, for those of you in super-level genetics, I must be horribly oversimplifying this but bear with me).

And there was a pattern to how the women chose their preferred men.

Can you guess what it was?

Overall, women found the scent of the men with different genes from their own more attractive!!

Keep in mind that this is all subconscious!

We have it in us to detect a preferable mate (to presumably maximize offspring survivability and ‘thrive-ability’ ^^) down to the itty-bitty details of genetic variation!

Our big-picture concepts of what we think of ‘love’ and ‘attraction’ and ‘sex appeal’ has roots in the tiny world of genes and DNA.  Our behaviors have a basis in subtle forces that lie unknown to most of us.

Isn’t that amazing?

* * * * *

V.  In conclusion, a Public Service Announcement to all the men out there:

So. Men.  From now on, don’t wear deodorant.  Your natural sweat may cause the girl sitting next to you to daydream about devouring you.  And if that girl happens to have less self-control than I do, you might get lucky.

…but on the other hand, it is more likely that your scent is causing the girl next to you to be repulsed and silently gagging.

Take your chances and let me know how it goes ^^

* * * * *

If you want more details about the aforementioned experiment, please visit http://www.pbs.org/wgbh/evolution/library/01/6/l_016_08.html

92. let’s be friends and not waste time together

May 23, 2011 § 1 Comment

Celebrating Buddha’s birthday

So. I’ve been quite social these days. This is quite odd for me because I’m usually the type of person who would prefer to sit alone in her room and do one of the following: (1) stare at the wall, (2) stare at the ceiling, (3) stare at a book, (4) stare at a computer screen, (5) stare at her uneven nails – and once in a while step outside to stare at the sky.

However, lately I’ve been uncharacteristically inclined to pursue social interaction in favor of my usual day-to-day sit-stare-think. I’m actively seeking out playdates with people, and accepting invitations to selected outings.

Why is this happening to me? After a prolonged period of preferred solitude, why do I enjoy the presence of people?

Well, I think it’s because I’m learning how to spend quality time.  With quality people.

In the past, I had the mainstream-Americanized-big-city notion that “going out” and “having fun” must involve costuming oneself in showy outfits, getting exuberantly drunk, and taking lots of photographs to prove that one indeed was enjoying life. Having fun meant taking pictures in revealing outfits with the “cool people.” Your capacity to enjoy life was a function of the best “OMG remember when I got so wasted and did XYZ” you had to offer.

But in actuality, getting dressed up in clothes I wasn’t comfortable in and drinking so much I couldn’t remember half the night was not that fun. Sure, it offers moments of hilarity and amusement as you play the “So, what did I do last night?” game with your friends, but what is it worth when you were so busy feeling uncomfortable or drunk that the moments just pass you by without notice?

These days, “hanging out” has taken on a completely different meaning. “Hanging out” includes listening to a friend’s PhD dissertation presentation inside a donut shop (T-type calcium channels FTW!), sitting around a bunch of home-sliced apples and laughing at our ridiculous tendencies, standing along the seaside on a rainy day and climbing rocks as the wind trails against our bodies, sharing a cupcake that apparently tastes like a bunny, watching my friends comfortably enjoy a meal or a shot of freshly-made wine provided by my parents, zoning in and out of sleepiness in a car, exploring and sharing our thoughts as we weave through art galleries, and breathing in fresh mountain air while walking alongside giant monuments of brightly effervescent trees.

I so enjoy myself these days. Sans slutty clothes, sans excessive alcohol, sans photographs to prove to others I was there.

…Obviously that last one is a lie. Of course I took photos. Here are my most recent ones from a road trip to northern Jeolla province in Korea:


But in all seriousness – wow. People are great sometimes. More specifically, what I mean to say is this: quality people are great during quality times. During these times, with these people — the whole experience just uplifts you. Subconsciously or consciously, you ride through their trails of insight and experience, and you learn something unknowable. Something precious. And you continue on – a human being of slightly better quality than you were before.

Good people outshine grey weather

*****

82. My first love note

May 4, 2011 § 7 Comments

I received my first love note the other day. It was from a homeless man who hangs out at the local train station

Folded up note I received from homeless man…
…though I think it was meant to look like this. (note: Please do not confuse yourselves. This one here is a note from a friend, not the mentioned love note.  I put this picture up because I think the contrast of the two folded notes is interesting.)

I arrived at the train station to visit my friend at work. However, she had just left for her lunch break so I had some time to kill. Lucky for me, I quite enjoy train stations (along with bus stations and airports) so I decided to sit and absorb the surroundings.

I walked to the outdoor area and planted myself on a shaded bench. As soon as I sat down, the stench of wasted urine fused into my nose. I guess on a normal day I would’ve been deterred away but today it didn’t bother me much so I just sat there and watched the passerby.

It was a warm and sunny day and there were lots of people to see. I was completely engrossed by looking at all these Korean people — the way they walk, the way they dress, the way they pat each other, the way they stare at you weirdly.

Hm. They’re staring at me weirdly. I wonder why that is.

That’s when I started slowly becoming aware of my immediate surroundings. As I looked to my left and right, I realize that the area I was sitting in was filled with benches and these benches were filled with people. Filled with two particular groups of people.

To my right, there sat a row of old people with no where else to go, side by side, completely still – wordless and staring straight across the platform. They were so quiet. They weren’t even talking to each other. Or looking at each other. Yet somehow they were with each other. A group of people unified by their lack of people to be with.

The second group turned out to be a gang of homeless people who could possibly be characterized as mentally-not-quite-here-nor-there. Some notable characters include:

An old man who rode his bicycle back and forth and back and forth in a straight line ultra slowly.

A middle-aged woman with leapord print spandex pants and a bright neon pink zip up track jacket and a fisherman’s hat. Her hair stuck out of her hat like dried hay. Her pesona was feisty with a touch of know-it-all. Kind of like the queen bee of the crowd. But really though, as there were no other females, she was the only queen of the crowd.

A young man, perhaps in his twenties — perhaps my age (weird to think about) — who couldn’t quite make eye contact but continued to assert his authority with displays of physical aggression (he would occasionally kick and punch the air, directed at no one in particular). But when confronted by actual threats, he was quick to run away.

And then there was this one “man-in-particular.” He had a kind face and was wearing a baseball hat and a fishing vest. His clothes were pretty clean for a homeless man, so perhaps he wasn’t homeless. I couldn’t really tell. But I could tell that he was the “leader” of the pack.

Going back to my lovely little bench that smelled like dried urine, I continued to sit and observe until I felt an urge to write so I pulled out my journal and began scribbling down nonsense. I was so engrossed by writing that I didn’t notice the presence of an individual hovering very closely over my shoulder. When I realized what was happening, I turned around and found myself face-to-face with a homeless man who seemed as engrossed in my writing as I was.

We were physically quite close to each other — but you know, for a homeless person, he smelled pretty decent.  He also wasn’t as visibly dirty as the homeless people in States.  But I digress.

By this point in time I had stopped writing — but he lowers himself to squat next to me anyways to get a better look into my journal and I see that he is trying to decipher the odd symbols of a language foreign to his eyes (or maybe I am making too many assumptions here. Maybe he knew how to read English. But even if he did, my scribbles are so bad that anyone could consider it unidentifiable).

When he finally notices that I had stopped writing and had started looking at him instead, he turns his head to me, every so slowly, and stares back while slightly averting my gaze.  Immediately I can tell that his mentality is somewhat off. He was a full grown adult, well into his fifties or so, but he had the eyes and demeanor of an unrestricted child. Which was quite cute in an innocent kind of way. I guess some might label him ‘crazy,’ but he just seemed like a child. A lost child, a curious child in a fifty-something-year-old homeless body.  His confused eyes didn’t understand why I stopped writing and wanted me to continue.

As we sat there, staring at each other but not quite looking at each other, the man-in-particular walks over, yells at him, and chases him away. He then turns to me, smiles, and says (in Korean):

“Oh don’t worry about the crazies. You just keep studying — I’ll protect you.”

Hm. Okay. So I continue off into my own lala land of journaling with Kanye West running through my mind from my earphones.

Soon enough, my friend returns from her lunch break and runs over to me – with a giant smile and a giddy laugh on her face, she asks “Why are you sitting here with the homeless people!!??”

“I don’t know. It just happened.”

I rise from the nice little bench and the two of us start heading over to her office. As I am about to enter the train station, the man-in-particular runs over and stops me. He smiles and hands me a piece of folded paper (the one pictured above) and a chilled drink. He smiles and says to me,

“Read the letter soon. You’ll find good news inside.”

I say Thanks and join my friend inside her office.

Here is the note and the drink:

Rough translation: “I’m sorry! Please. receive. good news. Always. live. a happy. life. 010-####-#### (Korean cell phone number).  *****Cho.”The drink that accompanied the note.  At first I thought the drink was named “Beautiful girls like documents” but it actually reads “Beautiful girls like pomegranates.” Korean drink names are so fascinating! 

Interesting no?

One question remains though.  If he is homeless, why does he have a cell phone?  Is technological progress that prioritized and cheap in Korea?  I don’t know.  But it’s fun to think about.

***

I’m feeling quite analytical these days.  Well, I guess I’m always analytical.  But recently I feel like I’m starting to become more aware of things.  But then again whenever you think you are more aware of things it turns out that you just become more aware of how much you are not aware of soooooo……yeah.  Not quite sure what to make of that.  At least we can always marvel at the endless amount of learning to do out there in the world.

Anyways.

Happy hump day!

***

Oh. PS: Dear friends, acquaintances, and potential friends I haven’t met yet: this will be my last “fun” post.  I’m going to go into serious-job-hunt mode…will you help me out?

…Please make sure I live up to my word!  If you see me diverge off into lala-land on this blog, please remind me to “find a job.”  Actually, I don’t like the word “job.”  Please encourage me to “pursue opportunities.”  But I am allowed to post fun stuff once in a while.  :)

Thanks in advance.  Let’s find me a job/opportunity!!

***

79. Um…Are you flirting with me?

April 28, 2011 § 4 Comments

So.  Today I had lunch and coffee with a newly minted friend.  A friend who happens to be a boy.

But in order to understand the significance of the interaction, let me give you a little background.

Lunch and coffee with a friend who happens to be male.  I’ve done that before.  Big deal right?

Well for me this one was kind of a big deal because it was different.

See, the thing is, my usual approach to friendships/relationships has been quite passive.  I do my own thing until someone actively seeks me out to spend time together.  Not that this is a bad way to make friends, but I was never the one to initiate a relationship request (unless your initials are CK and I bought you sushi for your birthday).

It’s not that I didn’t like people.  It’s just that I didn’t realize there does not need to be an end goal with a friendship.  What I mean by that is this: spending time together doesn’t have to have a set purpose (e.g., getting a job done, discussing a project, helping someone out with a given problem, etc.).  I didn’t really know how to just sit and enjoy the presence of another living being (except for trees and grass and plants and perhaps kitty cats and puppy dogs).

Given my lack of friendship courtesy, it is quite a miracle that I maintained friendships with my roommates during college.  Even after spending four years together sharing a living space (bathroom included), I realize now that I had a hard time with the concept of sharing time together without a specific goal in mind.

I remember one instance that struck me quite profoundly during college:  I was sitting in my room, hunched over my computer and getting some work done (I think it was work. who knows what I was doing in college) and two of my roommates (yes you, JC and BL) walk in.  This is the exchange that happened:

Them (or one of them): “Hey, let’s get lunch!”

Me: “Nope. I already ate”

Them: “So? Join us anyways”

Me: “…but I already ate”

Them: “Come onnnnnnn”

Me: “No. I already ate.”

Them: “You suck”  (yes, this is the best insult my mensa-level genius friends could come up with)

They leave for lunch and I sit on my desk and I am confused by the situation.  I’m thinking: why the heck do they want me join them if I already ate?  What would I do?  Just sit and watch them eat?  It just doesn’t make sense!

…But then something dawned upon me.  A strange and new idea that caused me a lot of grief:

Omg.  They enjoy my company.

Finally, at that moment in time, after four years of spending every day together, I realized that they like sharing time with me.  They didn’t want to eat with me just to consume food.  They wanted to share time without a necessary end goal in mind other than to just enjoy being in one another’s presence.

…What a breakthrough!

**********

Okay so I ventured off there a bit. The purpose of that anecdote was to show that for the whole of my life thus far, I rarely initiated an action that could constitute “starting” a friendship.  Nor did I realize that sometimes, people just want to share time.  I haven’t been quite aware of the feel-goodness of shared interactions between people, and I have usually just waited for people to approach me.

I didn’t know how to share myself and initiate friendships.

BUT.  This year is different!  Because I’m trying this whole thing where I’m pushing myself outside my comfort zone, I decided to take initiative and ask someone out for lunch today in order to actively pursue a friendship.

We had lunch and coffee and a nice little semi-deep conversation.  During our previous interactions, it was he that usually did most of the talking and because I’m a good listener, I listened.  And today, as usual, he did most of the talking.  And I listened.  But I also started talking and “sharing about myself” too.  And it turned out to be pretty insightful and not that bad.

So there we have it.

I’m becoming more comfortable consciously “revealing myself” or “being myself” or “sharing myself” around people.

…But something strange started happening.

In the midst of our pleasant conversation at the coffee shop, I slowly became aware of his and my physical interactions.   Now in part, memory is fallible and I may be remembering things inaccurately, so take everything I say with a grain of salt.   But as we sat across from each other at the coffee shop, I noticed that our body positions mirrored one another, and whenever I would take a sip of coffee he would repeatedly do the same (or perhaps it was vice versa, but I was careful not move around too much during conversation).

Uh…so what?

Well let me tell you so what.  Through what I’ve studied during my undergraduate years as a major in cognitive science (basically, trying to explain human behavior by integrating psychology with physiology-based neuroscience), research shows that when two people are quite engaged, their actions will start to mirror one another in terms of body position and motion. Such interactions fall within the category of human courtship (also known as “flirting”).  Many examples in the animal kingdom also show instances of such mirroring activity during courtship (e.g., swans, leopard slugs, etc…but again, take what I say with a grain of salt because I haven’t done enough research.)

[sidenote: I can take that idea of mirroring one another one step further into the level of neuronal signaling but I’m not quite sure how many of you would be interested in that so message me if you are curious.]

Anyways.  So the basic point is this: during our coffee time, I started becoming vaguely aware that he was, subconsciously and/or consciously, sending “signals” via his body language.

And.  On a not-so-analytical level, I just felt “vibes” and it was weird because I had never been aware of them before.

*********

So uh…what does that mean?

Well one, it means that I observe and analyze a lot (surprise surprise)

Two, hooray for me for pushing boundaries and actively pursuing a friendship

And three, perhaps my newly minted “friend” is interested in more than friendship.  Probably not.  Perhaps I am interested in more than friendship.  Probably not.  But that’s not the main point here.

…The main point is that observing these research findings, the ones I had merely been studying as theory in college, and experiencing them firsthand for myself are absolutely fascinating!

(omgz note to self: u. r. a. psychonerd.)

Oh and four: I think I like having friends and “sharing myself” sometimes.  And I want to take this opportunity to thank you, all my past and current and future friends out there, for sharing your friendship with me in your own unique ways.  I’ll do my best to be a better friend to you too.

…But seriously though, don’t expect any miracles.  No matter how much I value your friendship, I still probably wouldn’t sit and watch you shove food down your throat if I had already eaten and had work to do.

…heheheh.

I’m kidding.  

Or at least, I think I’m kidding.

^.^;;;;

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